This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
