my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
