day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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