and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
