That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
