Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
