I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
