The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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