I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize