and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
