just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
