can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
