I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
