p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
