And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
