so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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