Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
