6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
