C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
