My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
