btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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