nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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