mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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