You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
