I wish I only lived at night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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