I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
