i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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