I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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