Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize