I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
