The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
