i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
