Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
