I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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