I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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