You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Two words: blizzard sex
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize