There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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