Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the day after is always just damage control
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
