My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have feelings that need drinking.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
