i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize