It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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