I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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