What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
