I'm going to jail i love you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
