No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
