Midget sex pt 2 tonight
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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