If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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