also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
