But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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