put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
