i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We are all done wearing pants today
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
