I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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