...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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