Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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