Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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