You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
