just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
