Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
