i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
