You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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