Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just pee around me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
