Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
