Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
