Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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