I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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