I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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