We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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