Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
