it's like iHOP with fire
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
