we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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