I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
two words...techno handjob
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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