it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
