If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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