When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize