member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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