I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
