I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
