he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
